That is how I'm getting through the holidays.....the first holidays after my mother's death and the first passage of my mother's birthday after her death; she would have been 67 on the 22nd. It isn't easy..but I'm making it. Halloween - done, Thanksgiving - done, birthday - done, Christmas - done, New Years - marching ever closer and soon to be done. Its hard...really hard....I can't even begin to explain how hard to you. Your mother dying changes your life fundamentally. It changes your life on every level, in ways you could not begin to imagine. It pervades the very essence of your life.....and it leaves giant holes. You "trip over death" when you least expect it and it sends you into a grieving tailspin. People tell you these things about the pain of loss: "It gets better with time", "Time eases the pain".....I don't buy that. I don't think it ever gets better and I don't think it ever "goes away". I think we just learn how to "wall it off" a bit better as time passes and we learn new and stronger coping skills to help us along.....................but it never goes away and you still "trip over death" from time to time for the rest of your life. One foot in front of the other.....one foot in front of the other.
In other news...
My husband's middle child (the one that does not speak to, nor acknowledge, him) got her 3rd degree over the Yuletide. Now, I'm not Wiccan..so I do not speak with authority here in regards to their practices, but from what I've heard and from what I've learned from reading about their practices and beliefs.........she did not deserve it. As a matter of fact, she didn't deserve her 2nd degree either and she almost didn't get it because she has not dealt with the issues with her biological father. I've always thought, and I may be wrong here, that one of the main tenets of the Wiccan faith is to "do no harm"..that you can do what you want so long as you are not causing harm. She is causing harm. She causes harm every single day to her biological father. She caused harm with that little flurry of "poison pen emails" she sent to him a few years back. She causes harm to him by not telling him why she stopped speaking to him and why she continues to not speak to him. I was told that the only reason she did get her 2nd degree was because the lady/Priestess who did her 2nd degree was new and that this degree bestowment was only the Priestess' second time of bestowing a degree. And this priestess told the recipient that she really didn't deserve the 2nd degree she was receiving, but that the priestess was going to give it to her anyway because the priestess didn't want it to look bad on the priestess by denying the degree to the person in question. Now I ask you.....is that right? I don't think it is....I think it is pitiful and a bad representation of the Wiccan faith and ministry. It certainly is not how I teach, train and award advancement.
Ah well, what goes around, comes around.....and if she is a follower of the "Threefold Law"..she better watch out.