That is how I'm getting through the holidays.....the first holidays after my mother's death and the first passage of my mother's birthday after her death; she would have been 67 on the 22nd. It isn't easy..but I'm making it. Halloween - done, Thanksgiving - done, birthday - done, Christmas - done, New Years - marching ever closer and soon to be done. Its hard...really hard....I can't even begin to explain how hard to you. Your mother dying changes your life fundamentally. It changes your life on every level, in ways you could not begin to imagine. It pervades the very essence of your life.....and it leaves giant holes. You "trip over death" when you least expect it and it sends you into a grieving tailspin. People tell you these things about the pain of loss: "It gets better with time", "Time eases the pain".....I don't buy that. I don't think it ever gets better and I don't think it ever "goes away". I think we just learn how to "wall it off" a bit better as time passes and we learn new and stronger coping skills to help us along.....................but it never goes away and you still "trip over death" from time to time for the rest of your life. One foot in front of the other.....one foot in front of the other.
In other news...
My husband's middle child (the one that does not speak to, nor acknowledge, him) got her 3rd degree over the Yuletide. Now, I'm not Wiccan..so I do not speak with authority here in regards to their practices, but from what I've heard and from what I've learned from reading about their practices and beliefs.........she did not deserve it. As a matter of fact, she didn't deserve her 2nd degree either and she almost didn't get it because she has not dealt with the issues with her biological father. I've always thought, and I may be wrong here, that one of the main tenets of the Wiccan faith is to "do no harm"..that you can do what you want so long as you are not causing harm. She is causing harm. She causes harm every single day to her biological father. She caused harm with that little flurry of "poison pen emails" she sent to him a few years back. She causes harm to him by not telling him why she stopped speaking to him and why she continues to not speak to him. I was told that the only reason she did get her 2nd degree was because the lady/Priestess who did her 2nd degree was new and that this degree bestowment was only the Priestess' second time of bestowing a degree. And this priestess told the recipient that she really didn't deserve the 2nd degree she was receiving, but that the priestess was going to give it to her anyway because the priestess didn't want it to look bad on the priestess by denying the degree to the person in question. Now I ask you.....is that right? I don't think it is....I think it is pitiful and a bad representation of the Wiccan faith and ministry. It certainly is not how I teach, train and award advancement.
Ah well, what goes around, comes around.....and if she is a follower of the "Threefold Law"..she better watch out.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Why is it?
Why is it..that when I need my husband's help in the kitchen he is silent as death and nowhere to be found.........and when I don't need his help, he is hip deep up my ass in my way saying, "Do you need any help? Is there anything I can do?"
Now I have told him not to try to unload and re-load the dishwasher when I am in the kitchen trying to cook (tiny kitchen..no room for that shit).....but when I'm just in there cooking and need no help, he is johnny on the spot in my way, but when I do need him..he is as scarce as hen's teeth.
How annoying.
Now I have told him not to try to unload and re-load the dishwasher when I am in the kitchen trying to cook (tiny kitchen..no room for that shit).....but when I'm just in there cooking and need no help, he is johnny on the spot in my way, but when I do need him..he is as scarce as hen's teeth.
How annoying.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Directions Please....
Does anyone have directions to the nearest Husband Dealership?
You see, I have one slightly older used model I'd like to trade in. I must confess, this model has had 2 previous owners and after 12.5 years of ownership myself...I can see why. Since this one is an older used model, I don't think I'll be able to trade up to a nice shiny new "muscle car" model; so, I suppose I will have to trade for an older model (being an older owner myself, I don't really need something with too much oomph...a little "git up n go" is fine). I have taken excellent care of this particular husband, so, perhaps I can find an older sedan model that has been gently used to trade for? If not, I'll be happy to trade for an older used muscle car type with some milage on it...you know...something with very little trunk space so there's not much room for baggage and something I don't plan on keeping very long..but that I might like to play around with for a while.
Any assistance you can give would be greatly appreciated.
You see, I have one slightly older used model I'd like to trade in. I must confess, this model has had 2 previous owners and after 12.5 years of ownership myself...I can see why. Since this one is an older used model, I don't think I'll be able to trade up to a nice shiny new "muscle car" model; so, I suppose I will have to trade for an older model (being an older owner myself, I don't really need something with too much oomph...a little "git up n go" is fine). I have taken excellent care of this particular husband, so, perhaps I can find an older sedan model that has been gently used to trade for? If not, I'll be happy to trade for an older used muscle car type with some milage on it...you know...something with very little trunk space so there's not much room for baggage and something I don't plan on keeping very long..but that I might like to play around with for a while.
Any assistance you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The Day After Thanksgiving with The Ungrateful Get
......wasn't much different from previous ones. What? You expected something else? lol! A few differences: we weren't at my house; but rather my husband's youngest daughter's house and the food was awful. She absolutely cannot cook. Otherwise, things were pretty much the same...same cast of characters, same shitty attitudes, same snide remarks, etc. The nicest part (besides leaving that is)..the grand children...especially the youngest one; he's just as sweet and cute as can be.................so sad it won't last.
Friday, November 28, 2008
A rant from this time last year as an illustration:
Let me preface this by reiterating what sh*ts my step children are. We only have contact (sort of) with two of them (thank the Gods!)...I honestly don't think I could handle dealing with all three! One child has not spoken to my husband in about 12 years and I have never even met her (yeeee-hawww..one less to get fu*&ed over by!); the eldest didn't even bother to call (that's ok...didn't want to deal with his s#*t anyway) and the youngest....ah well.....that is what this "little rant" is all about.........................
So...... Let us begin...........................
I just thought I'd share our "Friday 'Thanksgiving' experience" with you......and get some sh*t off my chest from it. So, grab a "cuppa" coffee, tea...or better yet..a mixed drink, shot or two of liquor or glass of wine (or three...but only if you are of legal drinking age!)...get comfy and read on if you will. You can just click out of this if you want to..because it is most definitely "a rant and a half" coming up and I can't blame you if you get bored with it or tired of it part way through. Hahaha! Though in some ways it is quite entertaining.......
Ok....buckle up.....its a bumpy ride.................. Thanksgiving here was...........interesting.
We went to my sister and brother-in-law's on Thanksgiving Day and had a lovely meal. We shared the cooking; on the 21st we put the casseroles together, boiled the eggs and I baked 2 Spicy Pumpkin Cakes; then I went "home" and got the turkey ready for baking. On Thanksgiving Day, my sister and brother-in-law baked all the casseroles, the cheesy bread rings, a rum bundt cake and made the deviled eggs and mashed potatoes - and I baked the turkey. We weren't eating until around 1 so I got up at 8:30, shoved the turkey in the oven and went back to bed with the thought: "Well the turkey is wrapped up all nice and warm and so am I!" (hahahaha) Everything was delicious and it was a nice pleasant day.
AND THEN....... Friday............................
When my youngest step-daughter (we'll call her: "E"...oh Gods how I shudder to call her "my" anything, much less "my step-daughter") and her husband (We'll call him: "B") came over with their baby (whom we will call:) "T". ("T" is my husband's grandson...NOTE: NOT...I can not stress this strongly enough....NOT MY grandson..I don't care how many times she refers to this child as my grandson...HE IS NOT. *I* have no children and I'll be damned to hell before I'll claim any of my husband's progeny (from his previous marriage) or any of THEIR progeny as "mine".). OH WHAT FUN we had on Friday...........NOT. As I have stated before, we rarely see E,B,T.....which is fine with me because I can't stand E and B (T..different story..just a baby, not his fault his parents are a$$es). And as you know, about the only time we do see them is when they (read "E") wants something...like when she calls up and "informs" us that it is our "turn" in the "babysitting rotation" and they (she) would like to drop "T" off on such and such day at such and such time so they can go to dinner, movie, have the dog groomed (oh yes, she actually asked us this)...whatever. The whole tone and attitude is, it is our "obligation" to take the child and to be THRILLED and "chomping at the bit/frothing at the mouth" for her to dump her kid on us. I swear, the way she acts you would think this child sh*ts gold coins, was the only male child ever born upon the face of the earth, is the messiah and/or is basically "god incarnate"....all because he's a boy, he's hers and he's the ONLY grandson in her family and her husband's family. And because he is the first grandson, and because she squirted him out...she is the most awesome creature on earth. Yeah, you squirted out a boy....so what....so did billions of other women....big whoop. Ok..'nuff on *that* particular rant for the moment (it will come back around to to that later in the Thanksgiving story that follows).
Now to "Thanksgiving"........ (which it wasn't; in any way shape or form) First of all, they couldn't come on Thanksgiving DAY...oh no...they could only come over the day AFTER Thanksgiving day (Friday), because the whole of Thanksgiving Day was already all planned out with "B's" family (E's mother was going out of town or they would have been going there too)....and it was quite obvious that, even coming over here on FRIDAY was a major inconvenience for them. Not only *that*, I fully believe that if my husband had not called and invited them (because he wanted to see his grandson); they wouldn't have even called us for Thanksgiving (a la eldest child)...forget coming over. Secondly: "E" REFUSED to eat anything even REMOTELY resembling "traditional Thanksgiving Day fare", because she would be full of it (oh she's full of it all right) and tired of it from the previous day and if we were expecting them to eat "leftovers" or anything resembling traditional T'Day fare...they might as well not come. (WTF?!?!?!?) Though something like.....oh say.....Mexican food would be fine and they could come eat then. So now she is dictating what *I* have to prepare and serve them to eat AND she is saying "do as I say or we won't come"?!!? I agreed to it purely for my husband's benefit, because he really really wanted to see his grandson (he hasn't seen him in at least a couple of months now). And if we don't play the game by HER rules..then my husband doesn't get to see his grandson. And I want him to get to see "T" because he has already been cut out of the 3 other grand-children's lives. I decided on my homemade "nachos", which are more like a meal than a snack because of the way I make them; plus, they are less difficult to prepare than other Mexican dishes I make...doesn't mean they are easy to fix...just not as difficult to prepare as other dishes. I even made one pan of beef and one pan of chicken so they would have a "selection". I fixed homemade guacamole, had several sauces to choose from, chips and salsa, sour cream, rotel dip.......all in all, what I thought was very nice of me and a very nice meal considering how it came about and considering we couldn't really afford it.
They arrived half an hour late; not bad considering we wondered if they would even show since they have a history of either being several hours late, calling at the last minute to cancel or to say "can we do this tomorrow?"..or.. just not showing up at all and not calling to say they won't be coming. They came in, dumped the kid in my husband's arms, gave no hugs, didn't even say "hello" as they waltzed through the door, plopped themselves on the couch and said: "So, what's for eats and when do we eat it?" "E" then proceeded to pull out her latest knitting "project" and work away on it as if she were sitting at home instead of being at someone's home for a "visit" and dinner. All the while positively "crowing" about her new IUD! YU-UCK!!!!!!! I don't want to know that...I don't care about that! My only care in that regard is that SHE won't be reproducing again anytime soon. It went downhill from there. When we told them what I had prepared, "E" rolled her eyes and said: "Oh yummy" (and NOT in a nice way...Now she's dissing what I cooked?!!!!!?!!!!!? What SHE requested be cooked??!!?? ), they "chatted" (you'll understand better when you read the part below about "the litanies"), once everything was ready and I said so, they jumped up fixed their plates and said that there was ONE "good" thing about dining with relatives......THEY (E and B) got to have a "leisurely meal" because it was everyone else's turn to care for the child instead of them (E and B) having to care for the child. "E" fixed a very small portion and barely ate two bites then said: "I'm completely full, stuffed, over full really! Mexican food is just SO FILLING!" and she didn't take another bite. B was at least civil enough to say "Sounds great!" when told what we had, then to take a few bites and say "Yummy" and then he had small seconds. And when B offered to get E some more...she said: "No thanks, I couldn't even eat what I have here." Now I went and spent some pretty hefty bucks to buy all these fixin's...bucks that we REALLY COULDN'T spare (as in...I skipped paying the electric bill this month so we could have the money to feed them!) and bucks that could have been used for Christmas gifts for the children! But, to be nice and to prepare a nice meal, that they requested, and so my husband could see his grandson "T"....I spent the money (and let the electric bill float). "E" made some comment that this was her third thanksgiving meal in two days and then she argued with me when I said that, to me, this meal (on Friday) didn't count as a Thanksgiving meal because the holiday was OVER, the holiday happened YESTERDAY. She continued to argue the point so I point blank told her again: "No it doesn't count....Thanksgiving is OVER, Thanksgiving was YESTERDAY. THIS is just a family visit and meal." She then said in a snotty little know it all tone: "Yeah, well, poultry is involved so it counts." Now she's further dissing what I cooked?!!!!!?!!!!!? AND dissing my opinions, thoughts and feelings??!!??
The whole agonizing 4.5 hour visit was a litany of: how wonderful, brilliant, advanced, perfect, sweet, funny, awesome, awe inspiring (ad nauseaum) "T" is. By the way....he isn't. He is older than my sister's youngest child and my sister's youngest is doing things that "T" doesn't do yet, and my sister's youngest has been doing things that "T" has just started doing recently...and my sister's youngest has been doing these things for quite awhile now. "T" will be 1 the first of the year....my sister's youngest will be 1 in June. I found "T" to be quite "backward" for his age. As a matter of fact, I found him to be so "backward"...I will be exchanging his Christmas gift for one that is less advanced than the one I got..even though the box says it is age appropriate for ages 9 months to 36 months and he will be about 10 months old by Christmas.....he's not ready for it. Interspersed throughout the "how wonderful "T" is litany", was the litany of how wonderful "E" is because she popped this male child out of her twally and how every time a male child is born EVERY man in the world stands a little taller and says: "YES! A male child has been born this day!" and how she KNOWS it happened when HER male child was born. (gag gag) Included in the "how wonderful 'E' is for having a boy " crap was also the litany of "how wonderful "E" is as a person.... how wonderful a writer she is, how wonderful a knitter/crafter she is, how perfect a mother she is, how perfect a father "B" is, how perfect a husband she has, how perfect a housekeeper she is, what a perfect dog they have, how perfect her life is compared to all others, how perfect her child is compared to all others, how... because she had this male child, her step-father (her mother's(my husband's ex-wife's) current husband) stopped drinking/got clean and sober and started treating her better and apologized ( he did so quite tearfully she added)for how horribly he had treated her while she was growing up (..."SCORE!" with appropriate arm action... Yes, she really did say and do that after telling us this story.) . And on and on and on and on...'til I though I would barf.
And as if all that weren't bad enough.....anything and everything anyone, but she or B, said was wrong, wrong, wrong...and she would then proceeded to tell us "the right of it". It didn't matter what it was...she knew the "right of it"...the right way to say it, do it, make it, write it, care for it, create it.....and no one else knew anything at all about anything that was being discussed and she let us know it in no uncertain terms. Oh, and did I mention, that she fed "T" his solid foods and then in about 30 minutes she breast fed him (which set off another whole litany about how HER child was the PERFECT weight for his size and how she just could not understand HOW people let their children get fat, because it is sooooooo easy to feed them the way she feeds "T" and then those people wouldn't have fat children), just popped her boob right out in front of all of us and breastfed! I don't want to see that!!!!! I have nothing against breast feeding..but really...be a little polite and decent about it. THEN, when T puked copiously all over the couch (on my brand new $100 slip cover) after being fed a full meal of solids AND a full breast feeding; she didn't even OFFER to help clean it up or help strip off the sofa cover so it could be laundered! Oh no....all SHE could worry about was the fact that SHE didn't have a change of clothing with her. Yeahhhhh......niiiiiiiice. It was alllll I could do to hold my tongue.
It was soooooo bad that after they left, my husband looked around at me and asked: "Is it just me, or does my daughter think so highly of herself that it makes you want to puke? She is really so f**king stuck on herself it is sickening". I told him: "Wellll, I wasn't going to say anything....but since you ask.....yes. And not only is she that stuck upon herself; she's that way about "T" and "B" and anything else that is directly associated with them...with one glaring exception: YOU and US. She acts like she, B, T, her brother, her sister, her mother and their spouses and offspring hung the sun, moon and stars and the world wouldn't spin upon its axis if it were not for her and them and the fact that she squirted a boy baby out her twat." My husband agreed that it was that way and worse. My husband said: "You know, this could have been a really nice uplifting, happy little get together....instead...it just left me royally depressed and pissed."
I just want to know: if "E" is such a "PERFECT" mother...then WHY is the whole back of her child's head completely FLAT? I was in the medical field for a lot of years (almost 20) and my specialty was OB/GYN....I've seen LOTS of babies and I KNOW that babies aren't born with their heads like that......their little heads GROW that way FROM NOT BEING PICKED UP ENOUGH and from LYING ON THEIR LITTLE BACKS TOO MUCH.THEN...today I find out that "E's" mother has been over for their "weekly visit and dinner" and WHAT does "E" fix for them to eat? Hmmmmmmm????? Whyyyyy.....she fixed "taco pie" (why yes, it is prepared almost exactly like my nachos that "E" rolled her eyes over and barely ate, that I fixed when E,B and T were here on Friday after the Thanksgiving Holiday) and their "taco pie" was positively "DELICIOUS".
I told my husband that, as far as I am concerned, I'm d-o-n-e done with E and B and their sh*t. I will NOT be holding my tongue from Friday forward. From now on....its gonna get U-G-L-Y ugly because, I WILL "just say it", whatever "it" is, to them. Now, "T" is another story. "T" is just a little baby and it isn't "T's" fault mommy and daddy are crappy, and I know my husband loves and wants contact with his grandson; so I told my husband that I think, when my husband wants to see "T", we should plan an outing with "T", go pick the baby up and GO. Then when we are finished with our visit with THE BABY...we can take "T" home, drop "T" off and come home; thereby minimizing how much we have to be exposed to E and/or B's crap. As for Christmas.....even though they only live across town (about 20 or so minutes away)....I'm all for mailing them their gifts, or going to pick up "T", bring "T" back to our apartment to get his little gift, visit with him a bit and then drop him back home with mommy and daddy. Of course...we know full well that NONE of that will actually happen ON Christmas...and it probably won't happen anywhere near actual Christmas. The actual Christmas holiday (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) will be completely taken up by "E's" mother and (now miraculously clean and sober) step-father, B's grandmother and B's parents. My husband will be lucky if my husband gets to see "T" by New Years (which I am quite certain E and B will want us to babysit on New Years Eve so THEY can go out to celebrate the New Year. "NOT GONNA HAPPEN").
We sure as hell didn't get to see "T" at Halloween/Samhain...hell, we haven't even gotten to see pictures of him at Halloween/Samhain! And when my husband said something about wanting to see some pictures of "T" in "T's" costume from Halloween/Samhain.....E told him: "Well, we really didn't take very many because we were in such a hurry, so there are only one or two to see and they aren't very good anyway so you wouldn't want to see those." So basically...she told her father to fu*k off and he wouldn't be seeing any pictures of his grandson from Halloween/Samhain. Now get this.....E, B and "T" were all dressed as different Star Fleet characters for Halloween/Samhain....... SO WAS "E's" MOTHER! AND, "E's" mother went trick-or-treating with them! Now, if we can't even see PICTURES of "T" from Halloween/Samhain...why the hell would they even remotely think we'd want to babysit for THEM to be able to go out New Year's Eve. (edit 2008: I have found, since writing this, that there were NUMEROUS pictures taken at this particular Halloween and though we were told there were none and we saw NONE of them...they were ALL [about 25] posted on E's photobucket site. How do I know? I'm a sneaky nosey bitch and I monitor both her photobucket account and her blog)
Hmmmmmm.....I wonder how "E" and "B" would like for "E's" mother and step-father, and, for "B's" parents to know that "E" and "B" are PAGAN and DRUID and NOT Episcopalian like "E" and "B" told the other parents they are..........I also wonder how "J" (2nd child who does not speak to us) and "R" (oldest child) would like "mommy dearest" to know that THEY are Pagan/Wiccan/Witch and Pagan masquerading as Jewish. I also wonder how "J's" HP and the "Governing Counsel" would feel about the way she acts toward blood kin.....the way I heard it.."J" almost didn't get her second degree (actually shouldn't have gotten) because of her actions toward her father. And then, to top off everything else....I find out that "E" called her father today and told him that his birthday gift is finally done (his birthday is in spring) and he can come pick it up tomorrow. WTF!!!???!!!! She can't even bring him his BIRTHDAY gift???!! He has to go pick it up????!!!!!?????
Don't ya just wish you could have been here for the Friday after Thanksgiving? NOT! (me either) I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I am soooooo over it. And, so is my husband. (Thanks for the "rant time", I really needed to get that out.) Otherwise, we had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family. I certainly hope your Thanksgiving Holiday was better than my "nightmare after Thanksgiving".
So...... Let us begin...........................
I just thought I'd share our "Friday 'Thanksgiving' experience" with you......and get some sh*t off my chest from it. So, grab a "cuppa" coffee, tea...or better yet..a mixed drink, shot or two of liquor or glass of wine (or three...but only if you are of legal drinking age!)...get comfy and read on if you will. You can just click out of this if you want to..because it is most definitely "a rant and a half" coming up and I can't blame you if you get bored with it or tired of it part way through. Hahaha! Though in some ways it is quite entertaining.......
Ok....buckle up.....its a bumpy ride.................. Thanksgiving here was...........interesting.
We went to my sister and brother-in-law's on Thanksgiving Day and had a lovely meal. We shared the cooking; on the 21st we put the casseroles together, boiled the eggs and I baked 2 Spicy Pumpkin Cakes; then I went "home" and got the turkey ready for baking. On Thanksgiving Day, my sister and brother-in-law baked all the casseroles, the cheesy bread rings, a rum bundt cake and made the deviled eggs and mashed potatoes - and I baked the turkey. We weren't eating until around 1 so I got up at 8:30, shoved the turkey in the oven and went back to bed with the thought: "Well the turkey is wrapped up all nice and warm and so am I!" (hahahaha) Everything was delicious and it was a nice pleasant day.
AND THEN....... Friday............................
When my youngest step-daughter (we'll call her: "E"...oh Gods how I shudder to call her "my" anything, much less "my step-daughter") and her husband (We'll call him: "B") came over with their baby (whom we will call:) "T". ("T" is my husband's grandson...NOTE: NOT...I can not stress this strongly enough....NOT MY grandson..I don't care how many times she refers to this child as my grandson...HE IS NOT. *I* have no children and I'll be damned to hell before I'll claim any of my husband's progeny (from his previous marriage) or any of THEIR progeny as "mine".). OH WHAT FUN we had on Friday...........NOT. As I have stated before, we rarely see E,B,T.....which is fine with me because I can't stand E and B (T..different story..just a baby, not his fault his parents are a$$es). And as you know, about the only time we do see them is when they (read "E") wants something...like when she calls up and "informs" us that it is our "turn" in the "babysitting rotation" and they (she) would like to drop "T" off on such and such day at such and such time so they can go to dinner, movie, have the dog groomed (oh yes, she actually asked us this)...whatever. The whole tone and attitude is, it is our "obligation" to take the child and to be THRILLED and "chomping at the bit/frothing at the mouth" for her to dump her kid on us. I swear, the way she acts you would think this child sh*ts gold coins, was the only male child ever born upon the face of the earth, is the messiah and/or is basically "god incarnate"....all because he's a boy, he's hers and he's the ONLY grandson in her family and her husband's family. And because he is the first grandson, and because she squirted him out...she is the most awesome creature on earth. Yeah, you squirted out a boy....so what....so did billions of other women....big whoop. Ok..'nuff on *that* particular rant for the moment (it will come back around to to that later in the Thanksgiving story that follows).
Now to "Thanksgiving"........ (which it wasn't; in any way shape or form) First of all, they couldn't come on Thanksgiving DAY...oh no...they could only come over the day AFTER Thanksgiving day (Friday), because the whole of Thanksgiving Day was already all planned out with "B's" family (E's mother was going out of town or they would have been going there too)....and it was quite obvious that, even coming over here on FRIDAY was a major inconvenience for them. Not only *that*, I fully believe that if my husband had not called and invited them (because he wanted to see his grandson); they wouldn't have even called us for Thanksgiving (a la eldest child)...forget coming over. Secondly: "E" REFUSED to eat anything even REMOTELY resembling "traditional Thanksgiving Day fare", because she would be full of it (oh she's full of it all right) and tired of it from the previous day and if we were expecting them to eat "leftovers" or anything resembling traditional T'Day fare...they might as well not come. (WTF?!?!?!?) Though something like.....oh say.....Mexican food would be fine and they could come eat then. So now she is dictating what *I* have to prepare and serve them to eat AND she is saying "do as I say or we won't come"?!!? I agreed to it purely for my husband's benefit, because he really really wanted to see his grandson (he hasn't seen him in at least a couple of months now). And if we don't play the game by HER rules..then my husband doesn't get to see his grandson. And I want him to get to see "T" because he has already been cut out of the 3 other grand-children's lives. I decided on my homemade "nachos", which are more like a meal than a snack because of the way I make them; plus, they are less difficult to prepare than other Mexican dishes I make...doesn't mean they are easy to fix...just not as difficult to prepare as other dishes. I even made one pan of beef and one pan of chicken so they would have a "selection". I fixed homemade guacamole, had several sauces to choose from, chips and salsa, sour cream, rotel dip.......all in all, what I thought was very nice of me and a very nice meal considering how it came about and considering we couldn't really afford it.
They arrived half an hour late; not bad considering we wondered if they would even show since they have a history of either being several hours late, calling at the last minute to cancel or to say "can we do this tomorrow?"..or.. just not showing up at all and not calling to say they won't be coming. They came in, dumped the kid in my husband's arms, gave no hugs, didn't even say "hello" as they waltzed through the door, plopped themselves on the couch and said: "So, what's for eats and when do we eat it?" "E" then proceeded to pull out her latest knitting "project" and work away on it as if she were sitting at home instead of being at someone's home for a "visit" and dinner. All the while positively "crowing" about her new IUD! YU-UCK!!!!!!! I don't want to know that...I don't care about that! My only care in that regard is that SHE won't be reproducing again anytime soon. It went downhill from there. When we told them what I had prepared, "E" rolled her eyes and said: "Oh yummy" (and NOT in a nice way...Now she's dissing what I cooked?!!!!!?!!!!!? What SHE requested be cooked??!!?? ), they "chatted" (you'll understand better when you read the part below about "the litanies"), once everything was ready and I said so, they jumped up fixed their plates and said that there was ONE "good" thing about dining with relatives......THEY (E and B) got to have a "leisurely meal" because it was everyone else's turn to care for the child instead of them (E and B) having to care for the child. "E" fixed a very small portion and barely ate two bites then said: "I'm completely full, stuffed, over full really! Mexican food is just SO FILLING!" and she didn't take another bite. B was at least civil enough to say "Sounds great!" when told what we had, then to take a few bites and say "Yummy" and then he had small seconds. And when B offered to get E some more...she said: "No thanks, I couldn't even eat what I have here." Now I went and spent some pretty hefty bucks to buy all these fixin's...bucks that we REALLY COULDN'T spare (as in...I skipped paying the electric bill this month so we could have the money to feed them!) and bucks that could have been used for Christmas gifts for the children! But, to be nice and to prepare a nice meal, that they requested, and so my husband could see his grandson "T"....I spent the money (and let the electric bill float). "E" made some comment that this was her third thanksgiving meal in two days and then she argued with me when I said that, to me, this meal (on Friday) didn't count as a Thanksgiving meal because the holiday was OVER, the holiday happened YESTERDAY. She continued to argue the point so I point blank told her again: "No it doesn't count....Thanksgiving is OVER, Thanksgiving was YESTERDAY. THIS is just a family visit and meal." She then said in a snotty little know it all tone: "Yeah, well, poultry is involved so it counts." Now she's further dissing what I cooked?!!!!!?!!!!!? AND dissing my opinions, thoughts and feelings??!!??
The whole agonizing 4.5 hour visit was a litany of: how wonderful, brilliant, advanced, perfect, sweet, funny, awesome, awe inspiring (ad nauseaum) "T" is. By the way....he isn't. He is older than my sister's youngest child and my sister's youngest is doing things that "T" doesn't do yet, and my sister's youngest has been doing things that "T" has just started doing recently...and my sister's youngest has been doing these things for quite awhile now. "T" will be 1 the first of the year....my sister's youngest will be 1 in June. I found "T" to be quite "backward" for his age. As a matter of fact, I found him to be so "backward"...I will be exchanging his Christmas gift for one that is less advanced than the one I got..even though the box says it is age appropriate for ages 9 months to 36 months and he will be about 10 months old by Christmas.....he's not ready for it. Interspersed throughout the "how wonderful "T" is litany", was the litany of how wonderful "E" is because she popped this male child out of her twally and how every time a male child is born EVERY man in the world stands a little taller and says: "YES! A male child has been born this day!" and how she KNOWS it happened when HER male child was born. (gag gag) Included in the "how wonderful 'E' is for having a boy " crap was also the litany of "how wonderful "E" is as a person.... how wonderful a writer she is, how wonderful a knitter/crafter she is, how perfect a mother she is, how perfect a father "B" is, how perfect a husband she has, how perfect a housekeeper she is, what a perfect dog they have, how perfect her life is compared to all others, how perfect her child is compared to all others, how... because she had this male child, her step-father (her mother's(my husband's ex-wife's) current husband) stopped drinking/got clean and sober and started treating her better and apologized ( he did so quite tearfully she added)for how horribly he had treated her while she was growing up (..."SCORE!" with appropriate arm action... Yes, she really did say and do that after telling us this story.) . And on and on and on and on...'til I though I would barf.
And as if all that weren't bad enough.....anything and everything anyone, but she or B, said was wrong, wrong, wrong...and she would then proceeded to tell us "the right of it". It didn't matter what it was...she knew the "right of it"...the right way to say it, do it, make it, write it, care for it, create it.....and no one else knew anything at all about anything that was being discussed and she let us know it in no uncertain terms. Oh, and did I mention, that she fed "T" his solid foods and then in about 30 minutes she breast fed him (which set off another whole litany about how HER child was the PERFECT weight for his size and how she just could not understand HOW people let their children get fat, because it is sooooooo easy to feed them the way she feeds "T" and then those people wouldn't have fat children), just popped her boob right out in front of all of us and breastfed! I don't want to see that!!!!! I have nothing against breast feeding..but really...be a little polite and decent about it. THEN, when T puked copiously all over the couch (on my brand new $100 slip cover) after being fed a full meal of solids AND a full breast feeding; she didn't even OFFER to help clean it up or help strip off the sofa cover so it could be laundered! Oh no....all SHE could worry about was the fact that SHE didn't have a change of clothing with her. Yeahhhhh......niiiiiiiice. It was alllll I could do to hold my tongue.
It was soooooo bad that after they left, my husband looked around at me and asked: "Is it just me, or does my daughter think so highly of herself that it makes you want to puke? She is really so f**king stuck on herself it is sickening". I told him: "Wellll, I wasn't going to say anything....but since you ask.....yes. And not only is she that stuck upon herself; she's that way about "T" and "B" and anything else that is directly associated with them...with one glaring exception: YOU and US. She acts like she, B, T, her brother, her sister, her mother and their spouses and offspring hung the sun, moon and stars and the world wouldn't spin upon its axis if it were not for her and them and the fact that she squirted a boy baby out her twat." My husband agreed that it was that way and worse. My husband said: "You know, this could have been a really nice uplifting, happy little get together....instead...it just left me royally depressed and pissed."
I just want to know: if "E" is such a "PERFECT" mother...then WHY is the whole back of her child's head completely FLAT? I was in the medical field for a lot of years (almost 20) and my specialty was OB/GYN....I've seen LOTS of babies and I KNOW that babies aren't born with their heads like that......their little heads GROW that way FROM NOT BEING PICKED UP ENOUGH and from LYING ON THEIR LITTLE BACKS TOO MUCH.THEN...today I find out that "E's" mother has been over for their "weekly visit and dinner" and WHAT does "E" fix for them to eat? Hmmmmmmm????? Whyyyyy.....she fixed "taco pie" (why yes, it is prepared almost exactly like my nachos that "E" rolled her eyes over and barely ate, that I fixed when E,B and T were here on Friday after the Thanksgiving Holiday) and their "taco pie" was positively "DELICIOUS".
I told my husband that, as far as I am concerned, I'm d-o-n-e done with E and B and their sh*t. I will NOT be holding my tongue from Friday forward. From now on....its gonna get U-G-L-Y ugly because, I WILL "just say it", whatever "it" is, to them. Now, "T" is another story. "T" is just a little baby and it isn't "T's" fault mommy and daddy are crappy, and I know my husband loves and wants contact with his grandson; so I told my husband that I think, when my husband wants to see "T", we should plan an outing with "T", go pick the baby up and GO. Then when we are finished with our visit with THE BABY...we can take "T" home, drop "T" off and come home; thereby minimizing how much we have to be exposed to E and/or B's crap. As for Christmas.....even though they only live across town (about 20 or so minutes away)....I'm all for mailing them their gifts, or going to pick up "T", bring "T" back to our apartment to get his little gift, visit with him a bit and then drop him back home with mommy and daddy. Of course...we know full well that NONE of that will actually happen ON Christmas...and it probably won't happen anywhere near actual Christmas. The actual Christmas holiday (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) will be completely taken up by "E's" mother and (now miraculously clean and sober) step-father, B's grandmother and B's parents. My husband will be lucky if my husband gets to see "T" by New Years (which I am quite certain E and B will want us to babysit on New Years Eve so THEY can go out to celebrate the New Year. "NOT GONNA HAPPEN").
We sure as hell didn't get to see "T" at Halloween/Samhain...hell, we haven't even gotten to see pictures of him at Halloween/Samhain! And when my husband said something about wanting to see some pictures of "T" in "T's" costume from Halloween/Samhain.....E told him: "Well, we really didn't take very many because we were in such a hurry, so there are only one or two to see and they aren't very good anyway so you wouldn't want to see those." So basically...she told her father to fu*k off and he wouldn't be seeing any pictures of his grandson from Halloween/Samhain. Now get this.....E, B and "T" were all dressed as different Star Fleet characters for Halloween/Samhain....... SO WAS "E's" MOTHER! AND, "E's" mother went trick-or-treating with them! Now, if we can't even see PICTURES of "T" from Halloween/Samhain...why the hell would they even remotely think we'd want to babysit for THEM to be able to go out New Year's Eve. (edit 2008: I have found, since writing this, that there were NUMEROUS pictures taken at this particular Halloween and though we were told there were none and we saw NONE of them...they were ALL [about 25] posted on E's photobucket site. How do I know? I'm a sneaky nosey bitch and I monitor both her photobucket account and her blog)
Hmmmmmm.....I wonder how "E" and "B" would like for "E's" mother and step-father, and, for "B's" parents to know that "E" and "B" are PAGAN and DRUID and NOT Episcopalian like "E" and "B" told the other parents they are..........I also wonder how "J" (2nd child who does not speak to us) and "R" (oldest child) would like "mommy dearest" to know that THEY are Pagan/Wiccan/Witch and Pagan masquerading as Jewish. I also wonder how "J's" HP and the "Governing Counsel" would feel about the way she acts toward blood kin.....the way I heard it.."J" almost didn't get her second degree (actually shouldn't have gotten) because of her actions toward her father. And then, to top off everything else....I find out that "E" called her father today and told him that his birthday gift is finally done (his birthday is in spring) and he can come pick it up tomorrow. WTF!!!???!!!! She can't even bring him his BIRTHDAY gift???!! He has to go pick it up????!!!!!?????
Don't ya just wish you could have been here for the Friday after Thanksgiving? NOT! (me either) I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I am soooooo over it. And, so is my husband. (Thanks for the "rant time", I really needed to get that out.) Otherwise, we had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family. I certainly hope your Thanksgiving Holiday was better than my "nightmare after Thanksgiving".
Thanksgiving and the Ungrateful Get
The holidays are rough for me this year....these are the first holidays since my mother's death in April of this year (2008)....the "firsts" are always difficult they say. So far, this Thanksgiving holiday has been ok..........I've had moments of saddness, they come in waves; so, I "ride out the wave" and then I'm ok for awhile again. So far, so good..............that is........until today. Today I have the "joy" (NOT) of going to dine with my husband's children; well, two of them (and their spouses and offspring) anyway..the third one has not spoken to her father (except for a small flurry of poison pen emails a few years back) in 13 years.
I have "issues" with my husband's children, I always have. I refer to them as "The Ungrateful Get". I hate the way they treat their father. To put a not too fine point on it.........I DESPISE them.
First off, "Dad" (my hubby) didn't even KNOW that his son (first born child, we'll call him R) was in for the holidays...no call from him, no email, no "hey, tell dad I'm coming in for the holiday" to the son's sister...NOTHING. This is nothing new mind you....this is the norm for every holiday. Second, youngest (a daughter...we'll call her E) was preparing the traditional meal at her new home this year........did we get an invite?.......noooooooooo. But, I didn't really expect one because the elder daughter, the middle child and the one who hasn't spoken to her father in 13 years (with the exception of a flurry of hateful, hate filled, poison pen emails a few years back), was going to be there; as was the children's mother (hubby's ex) and her husband. However, E didn't even call to wish us a happy holiday...oh no....her dad had to call HER in order to wish her a happy holiday. As a result of that call, we were invited to dine with them today..the day after thanksgiving day. So basically, my husband had to call and kind of "wheedle" his own invitation. And yes, I am pissed at him for doing so; even though he says he was just calling to wish them a happy holiday. I asked him what time on Friday and he says: "I don't know, E will let us know". (there may be hope yet! She may not call!!!! praypraypray) We heard nothing from them at all yesterday, then today at noon..she calls (damn you gods! so much for prayer).....dinner is at SIX!!!!!!!!! Why? Because the rest of the day is filled with her mother, sister, brother and her husband's family. So, we're getting crumbs yet again.........and crumbs that my husband had to call and basically beg for at that!!!!! So she calls, dinner is at 6 but she wants us there at 5 TO HELP HER COOK FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!! She also informs my husband that R (son) will be there (I'm not going to pray that R's wife won't come...I remember what happened when I prayed that E wouldn't call)...and, as you already know, we had no idea that he would even be in from his home in Kentucky. My hubby asked if we were supposed to know that R was in since he hadn't bothered to let us know he would be here for the holiday.
My husband had to get directions to E's home........we don't know how to get there because we've never been invited there. I can not begin to tell you how much I DREAD this evening.
MY family does not act like his. MY family made plans in advance WITH us. We were included in every step of the holiday planning and were asked for our input. We are ALWAYS welcome at MY family's homes. Give me strength to not verbally wring their necks today. I usually end up finding myself a quiet corner and trying my best to avoid all of them except the youngest of the children. After all, it isn't an 18 month old and a 6 year old's fault that their parents are asses.
I have "issues" with my husband's children, I always have. I refer to them as "The Ungrateful Get". I hate the way they treat their father. To put a not too fine point on it.........I DESPISE them.
First off, "Dad" (my hubby) didn't even KNOW that his son (first born child, we'll call him R) was in for the holidays...no call from him, no email, no "hey, tell dad I'm coming in for the holiday" to the son's sister...NOTHING. This is nothing new mind you....this is the norm for every holiday. Second, youngest (a daughter...we'll call her E) was preparing the traditional meal at her new home this year........did we get an invite?.......noooooooooo. But, I didn't really expect one because the elder daughter, the middle child and the one who hasn't spoken to her father in 13 years (with the exception of a flurry of hateful, hate filled, poison pen emails a few years back), was going to be there; as was the children's mother (hubby's ex) and her husband. However, E didn't even call to wish us a happy holiday...oh no....her dad had to call HER in order to wish her a happy holiday. As a result of that call, we were invited to dine with them today..the day after thanksgiving day. So basically, my husband had to call and kind of "wheedle" his own invitation. And yes, I am pissed at him for doing so; even though he says he was just calling to wish them a happy holiday. I asked him what time on Friday and he says: "I don't know, E will let us know". (there may be hope yet! She may not call!!!! praypraypray) We heard nothing from them at all yesterday, then today at noon..she calls (damn you gods! so much for prayer).....dinner is at SIX!!!!!!!!! Why? Because the rest of the day is filled with her mother, sister, brother and her husband's family. So, we're getting crumbs yet again.........and crumbs that my husband had to call and basically beg for at that!!!!! So she calls, dinner is at 6 but she wants us there at 5 TO HELP HER COOK FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!! She also informs my husband that R (son) will be there (I'm not going to pray that R's wife won't come...I remember what happened when I prayed that E wouldn't call)...and, as you already know, we had no idea that he would even be in from his home in Kentucky. My hubby asked if we were supposed to know that R was in since he hadn't bothered to let us know he would be here for the holiday.
My husband had to get directions to E's home........we don't know how to get there because we've never been invited there. I can not begin to tell you how much I DREAD this evening.
MY family does not act like his. MY family made plans in advance WITH us. We were included in every step of the holiday planning and were asked for our input. We are ALWAYS welcome at MY family's homes. Give me strength to not verbally wring their necks today. I usually end up finding myself a quiet corner and trying my best to avoid all of them except the youngest of the children. After all, it isn't an 18 month old and a 6 year old's fault that their parents are asses.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
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